


Hourglass

by gorekid



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Original Trilogy
Genre: Closeted Character, F/M, Han Solo is gone and I can't deal, Han and Leia were together but there's really only mention of that in the first and the last chapter, M/M, Sad Memories, The way Han Solo says he knew Luke makes me cry, This is post TFA
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-29
Updated: 2016-04-29
Packaged: 2018-06-05 06:55:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,259
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6693988
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gorekid/pseuds/gorekid
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It was something so minute, something so incredibly impossible to see unless someone was looking for it. Leia only found it when her dress got hooked on the corner of a panel that had not been put back in place the right way. She kneels by the misplaced corner and carefully peels it free. It was less than three feet by three feet, but after removing the thin slab of metal she revealed a little secret hiding place that was a little deeper. Inside of it was a wooden chest, about the size of a shoe box but maybe a little taller, and just a little bigger.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hourglass

**Author's Note:**

> This is multi-chapter hell. There is going to be kind of a weird timeline of things and lots of jumps, so just prepare for that now. There's going to be some NSFW which I will tag as it comes up, and I'd love support by sharing this with your friends or helping spread it on social media! I love fanart made for me and I will credit on here if I get any, and also on my Tumblr (kyluxxx). I will update this as soon as I get the other chapters ready, thanks for all the support I've gotten so far here on AO3! Enjoy.

When Rey had returned from Starkiller Base without Han on the Millenium Falcon, Leia had already heard the news. It was something she didn’t have to be there to feel; the anguish, the terror… 

He was dead. Han had failed at bringing their son home, but more importantly he had not brought himself home. Leia should have told him how much she loved him, even through the bad spots in their relationship, but it never felt exactly equal. She just figured it was their differences. She wishes she told him she would rather him come home than Ben, she should have known Snoke had manipulated Ben to do something this drastic.

If only she had gone instead, maybe he would come home. He always had a soft spot for her.

When her arms wrapped around the girl from the ship, she felt like she still had something left to protect. A hope for Ben to come back, for Luke to come back.

The following days are hard and she can hardly bring herself to go into her room to sleep in the bed they had shared so long ago. Instead of sleep, she decided to check out the Millenium Falcon for anything he may have left behind. Mostly, she just sat in the cockpit and closed her eyes, remembered the first time he tried to rescue her, and then when she followed him to Bespin which was an awful mistake. If she looked at it, Han made a lot of mistakes, but none were ever bad. She still loved him.

However curiosity always wins, and she decides to see if he left any note in case he never came back, she had to check before Rey left to find Luke the next day. She was going to bring Han’s best friend back for his funeral, or perhaps it shouldn’t be called that, they don’t have his body.

She wanders sadly through the ship, dressed in a soft white gown for sleep, her hair down and falling across her shoulders and back, brown eyes dark and only further accentuated by the dark, sunken in bags beneath her eyes. 

It was something so minute, something so incredibly impossible to see unless someone was looking for it. Leia only found it when her dress got hooked on the corner of a panel that had not been put back in place the right way. She kneels by the misplaced corner and carefully peels it free. It was less than three feet by three feet, but after removing the thin slab of metal she revealed a little secret hiding place that was a little deeper. Inside of it was a wooden chest, about the size of a shoe box but maybe a little taller, and just a little bigger. Instead of looking through this in here, she carefully lifts the chest out and sets it by her side and carefully covers the open space in the floor with a careful sigh. While clutching the box to her chest, she carefully exits the Falcon and goes into her room on the site of the base. It’s not a long walk but the air is crisp and the stars are bright. It’s beautiful, and she loses herself in the memory of when she had held Han tight by a campfire. Luke was telling a story and Han was laughing, but she was happy to be warm in his arms. The stars look the same as they did that day with the light of the fire glowing before them, but now there is no light before her, no warmth, only the cool light of the moon to guide her back.

Inside of her room she puts the chest on her desk and she sits down at her desk chair, admiring the little carving of two sets of initials with a plus in between them. H.S. and L.S.. She assumes these are hers, but there’s a little charm on the lock that makes her wonder. It’s small, about as long as her index finger, and thinner than it. It’s a blue lightsaber, not too detailed, but obviously finely crafted, handmade. Just by touching it, she knows it was Han who had made it. It’s not actually locked, so Leia opens it easily, but she has to wait a moment to steady herself.

Her palms are cold but they’re sweating, her heart seemingly too heavy, beating too fast. Her eyes sting with tears and it feels like she was trying to swallow something too big at once, and all of a sudden it all began to make sense. Luke was why they never got along, because Han loved him more. Han loved her too, she knew this, but Luke was… Luke was who he was meant to be with.

The first thing she pulls out is a little photo album, the title was handwritten in Luke’s messy scrawl, “Our Adventures”. Beneath it read, “Happy birthday, Han!” in much smaller writing, but still Luke’s handwriting. She runs her fingers gently over the writing, feeling the energy behind it and wiping the dust from the words on the cover, and she gently turns the page. The first page is simply a letter, writing another happy birthday and some kind and tender words towards Han. Her chest tightens, but not negatively. Han’s life should be celebrated, but she feels the tears welling in her chest and eyes.

The next few pages are filled with some pictures of them together, taken as self portraits, others taking portraits of them, and even what looked like a picture taken with a timer. The picture that this was obvious in was a picture of the result of Luke tripping and landing against Han’s chest, grabbing at his shirt as he knocked him back as well. A look of surprise was on both of their faces, the picture timed perfectly to capture them half through with falling. 

Some of the pictures are slightly yellowed with age and lack of protection from the weather. Some of the pictures are in perfect condition, but the book smells like burnt food and the forest, as well as some scent that is distinctly Han. It’s obvious he hasn’t looked at the book for a while due to the dust on the pages, but it’s also obvious he had looked at it often before. There’s distinct wear on the ends of the page where he would have turned them, the paper thinning.

Another picture of Luke smiling brightly at the camera and Han smirking in the way he does. It was so familiar, to see both of them so much younger, and to see them act this way with each other. How had she never recognized this?

Another picture, Han is looking at Luke while the blonde smiles at the camera. 

Another picture, Han is holding Luke’s regular hand while he undergoes learning how to use the new robotic hand given to him. Leia remembers taking this picture, it was touching to see Han be strong for Luke, holding his hand and gazing at his eyes adoringly while Luke stared back. She thought he was just scared to look at his hand.

The pictures are definitely not in order, but it’s obvious when he’s already had the operation because in those pictures, his right hand was covered with a sleek black glove.

Page upon page were filled with silly pictures, real smiles from Han and Luke, pictures from times they were in turmoil. There were also the candid pictures they had taken of each other.

One of these was a picture of Luke smiling, his nose scrunched up. Han took that one, it was obvious.

Another picture of Luke, only in boxers while his hair was hidden in a towel resting over his head. He was laughing; Leia wished she knew the story behind that picture.

Another picture shows Han looking frustrated with grease spots on his face and parts for the Falcon in his hands. 

Another picture of Han grinning with his hand outstretched, the picture taken by Luke who had been laying in a field in the forest, blue skies behind Han’s shoulders.

Another picture shows Luke, smiling and leaning towards the camera, his shirt hanging loosely off of his form as he was captured mid-laugh, something in those blue eyes of his was glimmering. Was it hope?

When she had looked through every picture in the album, she had set it aside on her desk, and pulled out the next thing she could grab.

A small, beige box, easily fitting in the palm of her hand. Something small, and seemingly unimportant or useless compared to the large photo album. However, this may hold even more value than what she had previously found. 

Inside of this innocent looking box, she finds a wadded up paper, and beneath it a simple, yet elegant ring. A beautiful, clear blue stone rests inside of the band of the ring, and she remembers a picture in the photo album. Han had been cupping Luke’s cheeks as they kissed, and on his hand was this ring. The crinkles by his eyes stood out, showing he was smiling happily through the kiss. Her mind flashes to the picture of Luke leaning towards the camera, and it doesn’t take long for her to turn to a page in the album, finding a picture of Luke where she could compare the ring to the color of Luke’s eyes. It was an exact match.

She sets the box and ring aside and folds the used, aged paper, finding Luke’s scrawl again. A letter, and she turns it over in her hands before she begins to read it.

Han,  
I am writing this letter to let you know that I’m not angry with you for this. I understand that we have separate goals, and this is a dangerous life that I am going to live, and I just thought maybe we could have shared it. I want you to stay as safe as possible with your smuggling, don’t leave too many people unsatisfied this time in case I can’t come save you again like I did when Jabba had you. I am planning to take down the Empire and I will do it with you in my heart and in my mind. I know you are worried about my father bringing me to the dark side, but really I won’t. If I did, I would never have another chance with you. I hope our paths will cross again and I’ll miss you, Han Solo. I got you this ring so when you have it on and you catch a glimpse of it, no matter what it is you will be doing, you will think of me. I can’t wait to see you again.  
Yours forever,  
Luke Skywalker

Leia knows Luke had done this on purpose, suddenly. The ring was significant of their relationship together, of what would form if they ever had the chance to let it. 

After carefully folding the paper back up, she puts it in the box and closes it before setting it to the side with the album, and she grabs the next object from the chest.

A yellowed, crumpled up paper, folded unevenly, is the next thing that she grabs. After unfolding it, she finds Han’s handwriting, something he had likely crumpled up but later resignated to save. She doesn’t know if she should read it, but she can’t stop herself once it’s in her hands. 

I'd make an hourglass with my fingers, I know you're only passing through, but I miss you more than I miss the stars that remind me of us. If my hands weren't full of fallen stars and comet tails I would have caught you before you were gone.

This was nothing important to her, personally, but it makes her wonder why he had written this. It was filled with emotion and meaning deeper than she could understand, but it must mean something. It must be for Luke, as well. She reminds herself to give all of this him, and to ask him about what the letter could mean or why Han would have written something like that. She wonders if it has to do with Ben at all, but she can’t be sure.

She would have asked Han if he was still here.

With a tender sigh, she decides to put away all that she had taken out of the chest. Her heart is heavy with grief and she feels like digging through this anymore would be wrong. If it had been a box of her and Han it may be different. Once everything is back she closes the chest again, holding the small lightsaber charm between her thumb and her index finger briefly before she lets it go. She tucks the chest away to give to Luke when Rey brings him back to the base.

She stands, eyelids heavy and the bags beneath her eyes are dark. She's filled with the type of exhaustion that sleep cannot cure, but it could at least momentarily be fixed by sleep. The pain would be more bearable if she could keep it from her dreams. She would still accept her son back, even after he's done this awful thing.

Leia lays down, getting beneath the blankets and grabbing a pillow to hold onto while she slept. Images of Han and Luke smiling so happily are in her head as she finally drifted off in the darkness of the night.


End file.
